Getting ready for autumn, by a winterphobe

Coping through the season of death and decay

I loathe autumn. Mainly because it’s the prelude to winter, which I loathe even more, but at least has the saving grace of ushering in spring (my favourite season) at the end of it. In and of itself, autumn isn’t as bad as winter, but during autumn there’s no end in sight, so that makes it just as bad, on balance. In fact, the incipient threat of autumn and winter can even blight the end of the summer: it’s usually around August that I start to feel the familiar clench of dread.

Basically, everything I like happens in spring and summer: the feeling of sun on bare legs, the smell of spring, the sound of pigeons on our chimneys, long hours of daylight, cold lager, barbecues, camping, Aperol Spritz, being a comfortable temperature without wearing a dozen layers, multi-day running-and-camping adventures, driving in daylight, salads, wildflowers, lambs, my hammock and my egg chair, wisteria.

Please don’t reply with rhapsodies about the autumnal colours of nature and the light and warm jump…